My fiance has lost interest in sex for two years

dirtyfirefly · 2026-08-25T00:42:53.645722+00:00

Im 48m. My fiance is 42f and have been going through menopause for tha past 4 years. Tha sex started to decrease and now we haven't had sex in 2 years. She gets pissed if I handle it myself but tells me she has no interest/drive. Has started to crack jokes about how her sex life is in a graveyard. I work as a head cook in a bar/restaurant and have started getting offers of hook up from customers. I've never taken them up on it but am really considering it Add on top of tha no sex, everything I do is wrong and she flips into rages at tha slightest provocation. She absolutely refuses to get help while acknowledging that she needs it. I am thinking of hooking up. Anytime I try talking to her it turns into ww3 Am I a P.O.S.?

The Jury’s Read

You’re in a tricky spot, grappling with a significant lack of intimacy and communication challenges. The jury feels that while there are valid frustrations—menopause impacting her libido and your increasing need for connection—you have options worth exploring beyond infidelity. Some jurors emphasize the importance of addressing these issues head-on, either through therapy or open, non-confrontational dialogues about your needs. Others worry that if things remain stagnant, the relationship's viability may be in question. However, cheating isn’t an isolated solution to your conflicting feelings.

Where they split:

A few jurors suggest leaving altogether rather than risking betrayal, emphasizing that cheating complicates rather than resolves issues.

Juror reasoning

ShellToeFroseJuror

Never cheat on your mate. If it isbthat bad, leave. But never cheat

Like1

FatJustice65Juror

Leave or be faithful.

Like1

WiseJurorJuror

This is a layered situation man and you aren’t a POS for wrestling with this dilemma. One layer is the menopause — there are a lot of changes happening that can influence her mood and libido so maybe a conversation about medical intervention might be helpful in this situation to restore her sex drive. Second layer is communication — you say every time you talk about it it’s WW3 — how do you set up conversations about it? Are you doing this without blaming or criticizing her bc those things can shut her down even further. How do you communicate your needs to her and have you asked her what might be helpful for her to regain her desire for sex and emotional closeness. Look up the Four Horsemen by Dr. Gottman to help how you communicate this with her! The layer about the hookups — that would feel good for a brief moment but after, you may complicate the path to strengthening or restoring your current relationship. Finally, consider a therapist to walk you through some of this ✊🏼

Like0

BigVerneJuror

Why not just leave?@

Like0

BestJurorEverJuror

If she acknowledges her shortcomings but yet doesn't want to get help. . .a man has needs. . .if she won't do whats need to please that part of the relationship. . .she also needs to not be mad that you get that need met outside of her.

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quietjuror62Juror

Sounds like there’s no kids and you’re just engaged? We don’t have her side of the story for context here- but maybe it’s not working out for a reason.. sometimes people just aren’t meant to be together. We only have one go at this particular incarnation so let’s not waste it on WW3

Like0

My fiance has lost interest in sex for two years

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