My partner is sweet but struggles with intimacy issues

I’ll offer a guy’s perspective! I remember having this happen a few times as a teenager, and let me tell you, it can be incredibly anxiety-provoking. I suspect a big part of this could be psychological. He’s probably already feeling like a one-pump chump, and his insecurity about his size only adds fuel to the fire. Now, I’m no penis doctor, but 4–4.5 inches is below average, not outside the normal range. It might be worth measuring properly (pressing the ruler against the pubic bone). But regardless, that’s what he’s packing! No sense apologizing for it. He’s gotta play the hand he’s dealt. Motion of the ocean, baby! 😂 A couple practical things: Have him look into pelvic floor exercises (including relaxation). And I’d encourage him to see a urologist. Premature ejaculation is common and treatable, including with medications and behavioral approaches. No need to keep experimenting blindly when there’s actual help available. Psychologically, I wonder if he’s going into sex thinking, “Don’t cum, don’t cum, don’t cum.” It’s like telling yourself “don’t be anxious” before public speaking. Now you’re focused on nothing BUT anxiety! Look up the stop-start technique. You two could practice during a handjob or oral: let him get close, pause, let the intensity settle, then start again. The idea is to get comfortable with arousal, not panic about it. And if he finishes early? It’s not a catastrophe. You can laugh, regroup, and take the pressure off. And be his cheerleader! I know you’re frustrated, and I don’t blame you. You want a certain kind of sex, and even though he’s doing everything he can to please you, it’s not quite scratching that itch. You’re allowed to want more. But I imagine he knows you’re disappointed and probably feels pretty awful about it already. The last thing he needs is to feel like every sexual encounter is another exam he’s destined to fail. You don’t have to fake satisfaction; just remind him you’re on the same team. Honestly, the fact that he cares so much about your pleasure says a lot. Plenty of guys finish and roll over. This dude is ready to clock in for another shift! 😂 I’m not saying you should settle forever if things don’t improve. But he sounds like a genuinely good dude dealing with something that might get better with some help, practice, and less pressure. I’d give him a fighting chance!

He sounds an amazing partner - kind, giving and patient and really keen to work on issues as a couple. Sounds like he is open, honest and keen to develop. From what you’ve said, I think he needs to look for a new partner - you seem focussed on the wrong things and offering to measure him is just cruel and pointless. Let him find someone who is more caring.

As someone with a partner who doesn't believe he can last long and thinks that he is too short, helping them get out of their mind can cause a huge difference. That being said, it might not be a mind thing. Have you guys tried to get you riled up first and then him penetrate? Or if he thinks he's about to finish, have him pull out and rub his tip on your clit to slow down him finishing while keeping you aroused. Have you guys tried a spicy cube, or those chocolate things? I will say being open and honest with him is the most important thing you can do. If you're not satisfied, tell him. Reassure him that you value him as a partner and all of his good qualities. Additionally, you could just be so attractive to him and your kitty is so good that he just can't control himself.

He should see a doctor about it and get a professional opinion - it could be something medical if it is a recurring thing. Typically with experience the endurance to go without ejaculating should increase but if it isn't for him perhaps seeing a doc could be helpful. Perhaps some medications, tests, or even therapy could be helpful.

It's very apparent how much you care about him and noble that you are willing to work through this challenge rather than just abandon him for it. I think this might need a doctor's opinion since it might be something hardwired in him related to brain chemicals rather than just an inability to not experience premature ejaculation. If you haven't already, I would communicate with him clearly about how you want to get this to work and that you want to explore professional options too. Also, be easy on yourself because you have every right to want a satisfactory sexual life and you aren't getting it atm and that can suck. See if he's open to a doctor visit! Good luck

Take him to see a doctor. If he refuses, you have to breaking up into consideration.