My girlfriend is upset about my ex still on my phone plan

Side A

Original submission

iamthewalrus

I (31M) have been with my girlfriend (29F) for almost 2 years and we live together. A few nights ago she was looking at our phone bill because we’ve been talking about combining some expenses and she noticed there was another line on my account. She asked who it was and I told her it was my ex. Obviously that did not go over well lol. For context me and my ex were together for 5 years and broke up about 3 years ago. We don’t hang out, we don’t talk regularly, there is nothing romantic going on whatsoever. When we broke up she was still on my family plan and honestly I just never took her off. She venmos me most months for it. Sometimes she forgets and I dont really chase her down because its like $40 and I make decent money. My girlfriend thinks the issue isn’t the money, its that I never told her and apparently my ex and I still having any kind of financial connection is “weird as hell.” She asked why after THREE YEARS I haven’t told my ex to get her own phone plan and I didnt really have a good answer besides… it just never seemed important enough to deal with? Here is where I probably made it worse. My girlfriend asked when the last time I actually talked to my ex was and I said probably months ago. She asked to see the texts and the last conversation was actually like 3 weeks ago. My ex sent me a picture of our old dog (she kept him after the breakup) because it was his birthday and we ended up texting back and forth for maybe 20 minutes. Nothing inappropriate at all, but I definitely remembered that conversation when my girlfriend asked and said “months” because I knew how it was going to look. So now she says THAT is the bigger problem because I technically lied to her face and she thinks if this was all so innocent I wouldnt have felt the need to lie. And yeah… fair. But she now wants me to remove my ex from the plan immediately and completely stop talking to her, including about the dog. I told her I’ll take her off the phone plan because clearly this arrangement has run its course, but I don’t think getting a random picture of a dog I raised for 5 years is some betrayal of our relationship. She says I’m being intentionally dense and that I would lose my mind if the situation was reversed. The annoying part is she’s probably right that I wouldn’t LOVE it if she secretly had her ex on her phone plan. But I also genuinely think I’d understand if there was a boring explanation behind it.

The Jury’s Read

You’re facing a trust issue, and the jury is clear: it’s time to cut ties with your ex. They see your continued connection—especially the financial aspect—as a lingering emotional attachment that threatens your current relationship. The way you handled the conversation, particularly your omission about the recent texts, amplified your girlfriend’s concerns, highlighting that honesty is paramount. It seems the room believes taking decisive action now is essential to rebuild trust and reassure her of your commitment.

Where they split:

Some jurors empathize with your attachment to the dog and think you could find a way to maintain that connection, but the majority feel that any ties to your ex, especially given the dishonesty, need to be severed.

Juror reasoning

EveJuror

Take her off the phone plan. Text her and give her 30 days to import her number and get a new phone plan. If you don’t ever see the dog then I would let that go. It’s time to cut all the cords.

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Rhonda_CarolJuror

I was in a similar situation where I realized my ex was still on my Spotify after we broke up. I immediately kicked his ass off. Boy, bye. 😂 We broke up for a reason; I had no interest in maintaining unnecessary ties. That’s what’s weird to me here. Forgetting she was on the plan initially? Fine. But THREE YEARS later you’re still providing her phone service, occasionally eating the $40 when she doesn’t pay, texting about the dog, AND you deliberately lied to your girlfriend about when you last talked to her because you knew it would bother her. That changes things. If you genuinely have no feelings for your ex and you love your girlfriend and see a future with her, why is preserving this connection worth making her uncomfortable? Take the ex off the plan. And honestly, after lying about the texts, I understand why your girlfriend wants no contact too. The dog pictures aren’t the real problem anymore—the trust is.

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kaedecopelleJuror

If you see a future with your girlfriend, I think you’re going to need to take definitive action in this case or she is never going to feel fully secure since you did technically lie, and also lie by omission. Is it as bad as it could be? No, but it was still dishonest and if you fight to keep contact with this ex, it’s going to cause more problems.

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quietjuror0304Juror

Have your ex text your girlfriend about the dog from now on even though they don’t know each other. This way you can still have the updates. I am with your current girlfriend all the way on this one. You know the saying “what were you thinking”. Make things right with your girlfriend. Her being upset is to be expected. Good luck. And good on you for caring enough about the relationship that you reached out to ask a jury.

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Juror419Juror

Its definitely weird. The dog thing i understand, but having her still on your plan is totally weird. I would remove the ex off the plan and speak with your girlfriend about the dog situation and make some sort of boundary with that as like you said you spent 5 years raising that dog.

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SaltyLadyJuror

The issue is the lying. Omitting important information like having your ex on the phone plan is lying. Misrepresenting the amount of time since you and your ex talked is lying. You are lucky she just didn't pack up and leave. Since you seem to be having an issue with cutting contact with the ex leaving is probably what the current girlfriend should do.

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My girlfriend is upset about my ex still on my phone plan

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