I hooked up with my ex's friend after our breakup

Side A

Original submission

lilstinker827

I (25F) was with my ex (27M) for a year and a half. We met through a mutual friend who he’s known for like 5 years, so this isn’t some random guy he barely knows. A few months into our relationship I found out my ex cheated. I was devastated but I forgave him. We had all the talks, he apologized, promised it wouldn’t happen again, and I really thought we had worked through it. Then I found out he’d been cheating AGAIN for the last 6 months of our relationship. Six months. We broke up and honestly I’ve been a mess. Our mutual friend checked in on me and we went out for drinks last weekend. We were talking about the breakup, one thing led to another and we hooked up. It was definitely a rebound, but I’m not going to pretend I regret it. I actually want to see him again. Here’s the part that makes me feel like an asshole. Part of me hopes my ex finds out. I know that sounds petty but after everything he put me through, the thought of him knowing I slept with HIS friend is kind of satisfying. And I can’t tell if I want to keep hooking up because I like this guy or because I want to hurt my ex back. Maybe both. My ex doesn’t know yet. The friend knows exactly how I’m feeling about all of this, but I still feel like I’m dragging him into something messy. AITA if I keep seeing him, especially knowing part of me wants my ex to find out?

The Jury’s Read

You’re navigating a lot of complicated emotions right now, and most jurors feel that diving into something new with your ex's friend may not be the healthiest choice. They suggest focusing on your healing first, as jumping into a new connection can muddy your feelings further. There's a clear concern that your motivations might be more about revenge than genuine interest. Taking a step back to sort through those emotions and giving yourself some time could help clarify what you really want.

Where they split:

A couple of jurors empathize with the messiness of your feelings and think it’s okay to explore your attraction to the friend, as long as you’re aware of your current mindset.

Juror reasoning

WouldloveadviceJuror

The feelings you are having are both valid and normal. You haven’t directly done anything wrong. And the way you feel isn’t wrong within its self. It sounds like the hurt you’ve endured from your last relationship may still reside in your feelings within the next relationship so before you carry that on I would suggest to give things some time. Doing this may be hard at first and it will probably feel like you want to just rush back into something again, but there’s growing in the (sometimes painfully) long moments between relationships that is both an honor to you and the one who has yet to be loved by you,

Like1

JjenloJuror

You cannot be objective right now. If this new relationship is going to work, you have to start in a healthy frame of mind.

Like0

EveJuror

Leave everyone alone for at least one month. After that, see how you feel about the new guy.

Like0

quietjuror0304Juror

You yourself have said "And I can’t tell if I want to keep hooking up because I like this guy or because I want to hurt my ex back". If you don't like the man you are sleeping with, that's reason right there to stop. If you did like him, you would not have mixed feelings. To uncomplicate things, end it.

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kaedecopelleJuror

It’s likely that your actions with the mutual friend are colored by your hurt and resentment toward your ex. I’m not sure you can trust them entirely in this moment. I’m sorry you went through what you did. Probably the best course of action would be to cut ties with both of them for the time being. If it’s any consolation, your ex will probably find out about what happened and feel like 💩. Good luck - you deserve someone who will be honest with you and respect your relationship!

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IfTheGloveDontFitJuror

Sounds your brain, your heart and your hooha are all battling for attention. Ex has proven he isn't worth it, this "friend" saw you were vulnerable and put himself in position to make sure he was gonna catch you falling. You'll be the one who gets shit talked about her for "what you did" and then you'll have to deal with that mess. Pull the plug, see a therapist and get a vibe. Win-Win-Win

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I hooked up with my ex's friend after our breakup

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