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RelationshipsVerdict reached

I'm unsure if he wants a serious relationship with me

Original post
Verney

I'm looking for advice on someone I'll call [REDACTED]. I genuinely like him, but I'm struggling to figure out if he wants the same things I do. We've had multiple plans fall through, he hasn't followed through on getting me flowers like he promised over a month ago, and although he's mentioned taking me to a haunted house and meeting my friends, neither has happened. Most of our time together revolves around his apartment, and while he acknowledges when he disappoints me, I haven't seen much change. We also haven't discussed what we are, and he's told me he loves me during an intimate moment but hasn't clarified what that means. I've been hurt before by holding on to someone who never chose me, so I'm scared of repeating that pattern. Am I recognizing legitimate signs that he's not serious, or is my past making me overthink? How should I move forward without ignoring my needs or walking away from something that could be real?

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Question for the jury

Should I walk away?

The jury is split

2–2–1–1

6 jurors voted

Tied233%

Ask him directly about his feelings and intentions.

Tied233%

Limit the time spent at his apartment.

117%

Set a deadline for a serious conversation.

117%

Take a break to evaluate your feelings.

The Jury’s Read

You’re in a tangled situation where clarity and commitment seem lacking. The room leans toward urging you to establish boundaries and to seek direct communication about your needs. Many feel that the ongoing ambivalence could signal a lack of seriousness on his part, and there's a general sense that if he truly cares, he’d step up. Setting limits on time spent together might encourage him to show more effort and intention.

Where they split:

A few voices suggest taking a break to assess your feelings, which could help you differentiate between your past fears and your current reality.

From the jury

Why they voted

IvationJuror

One thing I would like to know is how long you have been together. If this is a first rush of relationship RUN. If in the first bloom of love he can't bring you flowers RUN. It sounds fairly new since he hasn't met your friends. Guard yourself. Have a serious conversation. He needs to love and care for you and be proud of the fact you are his. If he is hiding you away and not meeting your friends SOMETHING is up.

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WiseJurorJuror

Set boundaries — with physical intimacy and spending time over at his place until he shows you signs of reassurance that he has even an ounce of commitment to you. If he continues to get rewarded with sex and you coming over without effort then he might think that’s all the equation requires. Ask if you can have a conversation with him and express how you feel — it’s important that you use “I statements” rather than criticizing him. Tell him that you’re unclear about what’s going on between you, let him know what you’re feeling, what your needs are, and if you’re comfortable — the pattern from a previous relationship that you’re hoping not to slip back into. With clear communication if he’s still ambivalent about things then that might be a signal that dude doesn’t know what he wants or he’s just along for the ride. Best of luck!

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OpinionatedAshJuror

If he cares, this will cause an effect. If this is a situationship that he is stringing along he will move on or accept the loss. Men don’t take this long.

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Juror419Juror

Just ask him flat out and if he cant give you the answers you seek, i would just move on then.

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Tipman94Juror

Some space might be good to reevaluate what you want and what you’re willing to tolerate in a relationship. So long as you keep giving him what he wants there is no incentive for him to make effort. It’s sort of reinforcing that behavior. Take space for yourself, do other things, say no when he asks you out and tell him why you need space as well. If he cares, he will make an effort to find why and express himself better.

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