I feel guilty after connecting with my male classmate

Side A

Original submission

Khadija

I'm 17 year old Muslim one of my classmates once and I started getting closer(as friends) but afterwards I started hating him due to lack attachment issues. Whenever we were sitting together his friends would give a typical smile as if they are trying to convey something. After a while during my winter vacations he texted me hi hru and I blocked him. I've never been friends with boys and I started thinking that friendship with him is actually increasing nothing but my sins. Later I unblocked him and after a like 2 3 months later I reached out to him on my own he asked me why I stopped talking to him I simply said cuz I didn't want to be friend with boys later which gaps of weeks he would msg me again and again I would give him coldest replies possible but he kept going. Last week as I was about to leave school for ever I messaged him and asked him to meet me he told me not to leave school and take teachers advice I asked him that do it for me I spent approx 2 hrs with him at school walking and talking. As soon as I reached home my heart felt with guilt and I felt so bad about meeting anf connecting with him again. Since then he reached out and messaged me 4 to 5 times and I still haven't replied he told me that he asked the teacher for me anf waited for me till 4pm so I would come and talk to him but I even ignored that message. Tell me what should I do i can't just keep on repeating again that I dony wanna be friends he would surely think as if I've gone insane cuz I reached out first. Should I reply him if yes what should I say? Or should I just ignore him? Please remember I'm a Muslim to advice me accordingly. Thankyou

The Jury’s Read

Your situation seems to reflect a deep inner conflict between your feelings and your beliefs, which many jurors recognized. They unanimously support clear communication, suggesting you express your discomfort while also being honest about your feelings. It's evident that avoiding the issue by ignoring him might lead to more misunderstandings. Everyone acknowledges your faith's importance and encourages respectful boundaries, emphasizing that it’s okay to explore friendships, as long as you're true to yourself.

Where they split:

A few jurors caution against completely shutting yourself off from connections, highlighting your age and the potential regret of missed experiences.

Juror reasoning

quietjuror62Juror

Sounds like you’re conflicted morally- which is obviously something that’s important to you religiously and should not be taken lightly -and also your gut instinct might be warning you against getting too close to this person. He might be toxic

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quietjuror0304Juror

It is important he understands where you are coming from, 100% understands. Right now you are not making it easy for him to understand because you change a little bit. You block him, then reach out to him. So he can't figure you out. Not totally. Tell him the truth. That you like him and wish you could hang out with him but right now because of your beliefs you can't. And ask him to still care about you but to let you be free from him since you don't think being around boys right now is what you should be doing. Make a decision and stick to it. This will not end as long as you want him and go after him, but then change your mind and hold back. Your heart wants him but your beliefs won't allow it. Ask him to understand you. And then leave him alone. You are in some ways not making it easy for him. Not because you are bad person. You are a good person. It's ok to not think it is right to be around boys for now. Do not be alone with him. You start to like him more when you are.

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WiseJurorJuror

I honestly think you should let yourself explore connections with people a little too. You’re 17, and you don’t want to look back later and feel like you shut yourself off from friendships or experiences just because guilt kicked in every time. But at the same time your faith obviously means a lot to you, so I wouldn’t ignore that either. Maybe it doesn’t have to be all or nothing… like either never speak to him again or just completely go with it. You can figure out what boundaries actually feel right for you and still allow yourself to connect with people. And if you do decide you don’t want to keep talking to him, I’d probably just tell him that instead of ignoring him, especially since you reached out too. He’s probably just confused.

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JudgeJudy333Juror

It sounds like you want to be his friend, but you don't really know how to BE a friend and I think this guy kind of deserves somebody better as a friend. I myself I'm half Middle Eastern so I understand that culture can pressure can be really hard. But at the end of the day, if you're not doing anything "wrong " like sexually or kissing or touching I don't see any reason why you can't be friends with him. And even if you did do more with him, you're 17 you're growing and feeling very normal feelings. Please do not let the pressure of your culture stop you from living your life because you're gonna end up really sad and resentful.

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Aloha393Juror

I would let him explicitly know why you’re conflicted with connecting with him so that he’s not left thinking that it’s something he is doing. That can be confusing and can lead him to think he is just not worthwhile. I think explaining someone your boundaries — whether it is religious or personal and seeing how they respond is also a good litmus test of what kind of person they are. Best of luck

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I feel guilty after connecting with my male classmate

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